Communicating with Care Positive Language Strategies for Daycare Teachers

Using Positive Language in Early Childhood Classrooms

“It’s not always what you say, but how you say it.” This phrase holds special truth when working with young children. The language educators use has a powerful impact on how children feel, behave, and learn. In a daycare or early childhood setting, positive language helps build trust, encourage cooperation, and foster emotional development. This guide outlines practical strategies for shifting from negative to positive communication in order to support positive behaviors and create a nurturing environment.

Why Positive Language Matters

Children are constantly learning—not just academically, but socially and emotionally. The way we communicate with them plays a key role in shaping their self-esteem, behavior, and relationships. Negative or unclear language can cause confusion, defensiveness, or shame. On the other hand, respectful, direct, and positive language can:

• Reinforce desired behaviors
• Make expectations clearer
• Promote emotional security
• Strengthen relationships

What to Avoid – and Why

1. Negative and Judgmental Language

• Avoid: “You’re being bad,” “You’re lazy,” or “You always…”
• Why: These phrases label the child rather than the behavior, potentially damaging their self-worth and motivation.
• Instead: Focus on the behavior, not the child.

• Try: “Let’s keep the blocks on the table,” instead of “You’re being messy.”

2. Overusing “No” and “Don’t”

• Avoid: “Don’t run,” “No yelling,” “Don’t touch that.”
• Why: Children often focus on the action word (e.g., “run” or “yelling”) and miss the “no.” This can confuse or even reinforce the unwanted behavior.
• Instead: Frame directions in the positive.

• Try: “Let’s walk,” or “Please use a quiet voice.”

3. Asking When You Should Be Telling

• Avoid: “Can you clean up?” or “Do you want to sit down?”
• Why: Phrasing expectations as questions gives children the option to say “no” and can create confusion about boundaries.
• Instead: Use clear, respectful statements.

• Try: “Please clean up the toys,” or “It’s time to sit down now.”

4. Accretive Language (Language That Reinforces the Wrong Behavior)

• Avoid: Repeatedly commenting on the negative behavior in ways that draw attention to it.
• Why: This can unintentionally reinforce the very behavior you’re trying to reduce.
• Instead: Redirect gently and focus on what the child should be doing.

• Try: “Let’s use our walking feet indoors,” instead of emphasizing that someone was running again.

5. Overly Complex or Developmentally Inappropriate Language

• Avoid: Long-winded explanations or multi-step directions.
• Why: Young children may not yet have the ability to process complex instructions.
• Instead: Use clear, simple, and age-appropriate language.

• Try: Break tasks into one or two simple steps, like “Put your shoes in the cubby and come sit on the carpet.”

Guidelines for Using Positive Language

• Be Direct and Clear

Make expectations known in a calm and respectful way. Speak directly to the children involved using specific and consistent language.

• Use Affirmative Language

Say what you want the child to do, not just what they shouldn’t do.

• Instead of: “Don’t stand on the chair.”
• Try: “Please sit on the chair with your feet on the floor.

• Sweat the Small Stuff

Hold firm to classroom rules—even for minor issues. Kind, consistent reinforcement shows that expectations matter.

• Expect the Best

Communicate belief in children’s ability to succeed. Let them know you see their potential.

• Invite Cooperation

Use inclusive language to build a sense of teamwork.

• Try: “Let’s all help keep our classroom clean.”

• Be Sincere

Children can sense when adults aren’t being genuine. Be honest, authentic, and present when you speak to them.

• Watch Your Tone, Volume, and Body Language

Non-verbal cues speak loudly. Stay calm, open, and friendly—even when correcting behavior.

• Keep Your Sense of Humour

Laughter can be a great classroom tool—when used appropriately. Use it to build connections, not to make light of a child’s feelings or behavior.

Common Phrases to Reframe from Negative to Positive

Conclusion

Using positive, respectful, and intentional language doesn’t just reduce challenging behaviors—it builds a classroom culture where children feel valued, understood, and motivated to do their best. By choosing our words thoughtfully, we not only guide behavior more effectively but also model the kind of communication we hope children will adopt themselves.

Let’s remember: our language teaches, even when we don’t realize it. Let’s make it count.